small things to look forward to
Every Sunday, one of my prompts on the Finch App is to name three small things that I am looking forward to and one big thing. Most weeks, this is pretty easy for me to do, but for some reason I completely blanked this morning and that's the moment when I realized "ah, I'm depressed."
I got myself out of bed, cooked a very simple lunch, and then completed the one big task I assigned myself today: clear out the junk from my closet so that I can begin reorganizing my room. It took a lot of physical effort going up and down the stairs with boxes, but I really did feel better after doing it.
One episode of Gladlands later to cool off, I hopped in the shower and tried revisited my list from earlier in the morning. What am I looking forward to in the coming weeks?
Smaller Things
- feeling clean after my shower (I felt gross!!)
- reading more Moominland Midwinter (fav in the series)
- picking out a new page to color
- catching up with a friend after reading their draft and watching Wicked: For Good
- playing more Whisper of the House
- rainy days coming soon!
- watching Bridgerton Season 4 Part 2 and talking to my co-worker about our thoughts the next week
- using my new eyeshadow palettes more
- shorter work days in Spring semester
Bigger Things
- going on a second bird watching excursion
- attending a poetry writing workshop
- having an organized room again
- reserving more energy to go out after work
This morning, I genuinely had this feeling of... wow, I have nothing to look forward to right now, huh? But that's not true. There are plenty of small things on the horizon (some immediate, some that will require some effort to achieve.) Now that I've taken stock of that, I feel so much relief in my body.
One of the patterns I have been unpacking in therapy is a deep instilled sense of shame about the way I live my life. That it's a silly waste of time. That I am squandering a gift that others could do so much more with if they had the chance. It's a vicious cycle and there's a lot of trauma holding those intrusive thoughts up.
For now, I want it to be enough to enjoy a good book, a cuddle with my cats, the comforting sound of rain falling outside my window after a very hot false spring. To find little excuses to chat with friends who have also been struggling so they know I am thinking about them often. To be creative in ways that I have energy and getting enough rest so that I can go out on intentional side quests.
I hope you have lots of little things on your list as well.